Most Annoyingly Entertaining Celebrity Tweets

Slowly but surely, my anti Twitter stance is getting dropped, it wasn’t that I had anything against Twitter per se other that the fact that everybody and their mothers hopped upon the Twitter bandwagon and began to assail me with their often inconsequential tweets! Since I am a grouchy martyr and have elected to offer a commentary on society I have no choice than to consider Twitter as a viable means of communication. Anyway enough about me- it’s not as if I am as self obsessed as Tyra or Oprah. Some celebrity Twitterers are beginning to make me think that Twitter is very much like the fruit that Eve from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden. And look where that got us! Anyway, here are some celebrities who keep me loving and cursing Twitter on a daily basis .

Ashton Kutcher

Mr. Ashton Kutcher Moore, you are the reason (at least one of them ) why I rue the day Evan Williams and Biz Stone created Twitter. Do I or the rest of the world need to know what the ingredients of your salad are? Or what Demi’s bottom looks like? And then you go on to offer your Brazilian tweeps political advice. What surprises me is that you managed to accumulate over two million followers! People, what are you thinking -wait, most of you weren’t thats the problem. I find Ashton’s tweets as relevant as “Dude Where’s My Car” or that show you were on, what was it- oh, I remembered- I don’t care. Don’t mean to sound too harsh Ashton but when you have something truly relevant to share I’ll be the first one to sing your praise from the highest mountain top. You obviously have way too much time on your hands. Btw A, spell check much?

ashton_tweet

At your own peril, follow Ashton Kutcher on Twitter

Perez Hilton

All hail the self proclaimed Queen Bitch of all Media- her royal highness El Guapo Perez. Recently Perez has been catching some flack and fists for his unrestrained commentary on everything under the sun. I know, I know it’s kinda unfortunate that we live in a world where everyone (including me) gets to throw their 2 cents into anyones business. Even though you are embarrased to acknowledge that you visit his site on a daily basis, you have to admit that the penis drawing blogger and his faded shiner do keep us relatively entertained. I love it when he attempts to wax poetic on the woes of the gay community and his delusional belief that he is some sort of advocate instead of a harpy. I know, I am in danger of having him sic his legions of rabid followers on me. Its all in good fun darling but just incase, I must warn you I have an excellent securiy detail. I found it hilarious that following his scuffle with the Black Eyed Peas, Guapo used Twitter to ask for help.

Perez Hilton's Tweet

For your daily dose of bitch milk, follow Perez Hilton on Twitter.

Diddy

You have to love Diddy for his memorable one-liners, my personal favorite being “bitchassness”. Diddy there ain’t no bitchassness up in here! Well actually there is; I found it interesting that you joined camp Kutcher in the CNN competition because according to you “there’s such a persona of the Hamptons and the bling-bling and the Forbes list and who I am dating . Theres more substance to me than that. Over time I just want to make sure that has gotten out”. I admire you for being man enough to admit that the backlash of the image you created was all your fault; way to align yourself with Kutcher and have us change our opinion of you. Your recent decision to donate proceeds to malaria inflicted Africa when people buy your limited edition T-shirts is definitely worthy of mention. Diddy deserves an award for his humanitarian efforts and his endorsement and relentless promotion of Ciroc Vodka!

Diddy Tweet

If Ciroc makes every day of your life a little better, follow Diddy on Twitter.

Tila Tequila

Now, I dont know why the sight of this bronzed, allegedly bisexual, silicone enhanced Smurf bothers me, but she really does. The fact that Tila Tequila is somewhat of a celebrity is unequivocable proof that Reality TV is a tool of Satan and that the end of humanity is upon us. I find nothing vaguely entertaining about Miss Tequila, in fact she is one of the reasons that that I used to abhor Twitter. It’s not even the fact that she’s an irrelevant hussy that has my vas deferens in a perpetual Sailor’s knot - I happen to like hussies; it’s just your persona Tila. The fact that you have over a hundred thousand followers is cause for concern! Tila, if perhaps you’re actually different from the creature you are on television then I owe you an apology, until then though its going to be interesting biased relationship.

Tila Tequila Tweet

If you’re a hunter of mythical creatures, follow Tila Tequila on Twitter.

Kim Kardashian

You know what, I like Kim Kardashian. I don’t know particularly know why but she gives of a cool vibe. Granted that I know she, like any other “celebrity” has a persona, there is something really relatable about her even if she can be rather vapid. But no matter how vapid she can be, thank God that she’s no Jessica Simpson or Heidi Montag- there’s actual substance to this sexpot. I have to admit though that Khloe Kardashian would be my favorite of the bunch but FYI, not the smartest move in the world to alert strangers as to your exact location. But no matter how cool I think you are, not particularly sure I care that you are having your eyebrows waxed.

If a little va-va voom is more your style, follow Kim Kardashian on Twitter.

Lindsay Lohan

: Lindsay Lohan

Dear Sweet Lindsay, at this point I’m exasperated, I don’t have the will or the energy to pretend that any of your antics are worthy of further attention but Twitter and your blog keep you somewhat relevant. I expect a lot of things of you but being a barometer on fidelity was certainly not one of them. Only God knows what you will be up to next but I am certain that you will keep us informed- either via Twitter or your blog.

For a little erraticness in your life, follow Lindsay Lohan on Twitter.

John Mayer

Finally! Someone that I can admit I would occasionally follow on Twitter without being entirely embarrassed. John shares it all; it’s unrepentant, self deprecating verbal diarhhea and for that alone I applaud you. From breakups, to taunting Perez Hilton on account of getting a small portion of his just desserts and all the TMI, you definitely don’t take the mantle of celebrity too seriously and that makes your next tweet worth waiting for.